The Dark Side
When Mary Ann and I were raising our girls, We tried to keep in mind the Biblical admonition to “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
I believe that if you have a child’s attention until they are 8 or 9, you have the influence to form their values in such a way that they are permanently imprinted; like eye color. They may stray but when they are older, they will return. It’s like having a vote in their future decisions.
Now that I have lived long enough to see the results of our efforts and those of my own parents and the parents of our friends, I have come to the conclusion that there is a dark side to that passage- we have a window of influence that has a measure of permanence. But, what direction will that influence take? If we train up a child in the way he should NOT go, when he is old, he will not depart from it- “the dark side.”
For instance- if a child is exposed to an environment in which he or she is saddled with an unrealistic responsibility for the wellbeing and behavior of his or her family or family members, at an age at which they are maturationally incapable of shouldering such a burden, they might be imprinted with an unconscious and overwhelming sense that they are responsible for everyone in their world.
Every relationship becomes tainted by the propensity to inform, fix, rescue, or provide for. The joy of fellowship and the comfort of mutual support are trampled underfoot. This “way of life” becomes one of frustration and weariness.
The irony is that this ‘way of life” on the surface appears admirable when in-fact is one of frustration and weariness and is quite destructive. They will never have had the foundation of a playful childhood. “Lest we become like little children” has no reference for them.
In an eye-opening comment, a close friend and mentor reminded me that you can’t take care of anyone else if you are not taking care of yourself. That may sound superficial but, in all reality, it is a deeply penetrating observation.
The Author of life has informed us that “He tries the reins of the heart” to determine to what degree we have incorporated the characteristics of His nature as practiced by His only son Jesus. If when trying those reins, He discovers a morass of neurotic and crippling motives and behaviors and their resultant frustrations, and disappointments, He will find that there is a lot of work to be done.
One of the best gifts we can give our children is a fighting chance to acquire the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control which will not be found on the dark side.
“Come unto me all you who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.”
Kent Weathersby
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